John Cena Loves Me

John Cena loves me. He tells me this everyday. It is not always in person, because his schedule is demanding. Sometimes when he is away I stay in his home, where everything is so clean and nothing smells like him. In a weird way, that smell — the smell of fresh nothingness reminds me most of him.

John Cena is becoming a movie star. At first, I liked this. Wrestling is dangerous and acting seemed liked a safe alternative. But now I am missing the John that used to pick me up and toss me onto the bed — the “Attitude Adjustment” — a fun name for a wrestling finisher, even better for foreplay. We would call sex “SummerSlam,” no matter the season. “Money in the Bank” — that move is NSFW. I can tell you more about that some other time. But now John only wants to talk about acting theory. He even watches Inside the Actors Studio with a moleskine notebook and a fountain pen. I do not know what he writes down. He hushes me anytime I remind him that James Lipton is 92 and most likely a vampire.

John Cena worships me. He makes a big deal out of date nights, which happens anytime we actually see each other. We get dressed up and go to a nice restaurant and spend the evening alone in a corner, with no one around, drinking overpriced red wine. He buys me expensive presents — handbags, shoes and clothing. Sometimes a new car. He has impeccable taste and I love everything he gives me, but sometimes I want to ask him to stop. I want to tell him that it is too much. But it is never too much for John. He is generous above all else.

John Cena belongs to everyone. WWE: part of his soul. Acting: part of his soul. The fans: part of his soul. Philanthropy: part of his soul. Success, money and fame: part of his soul. Me: part of his soul. I do know that to be true. He tells me that it is like having multiple children (ironic, I know) — him loving one thing does not decrease his capacity for another. His soul is infinite, he says.

John Cena is learning Norwegian because he is filming a movie in Norway. This is so like John. When he wrestled in China, he learned Mandarin. He says he has an infinite capacity for learning too, much like his soul. I sometimes imagine him building and building on the inside. A normal person would crack, or even explode. But John Cena is not a normal person.

John Cena is disappearing from me. I have not seen him for two months. When he finishes filming for the day, he calls, but he invariably is ushered off the phone. Someone always needs more of his time. Someone that is not me. Maybe he is already gone. Or maybe it is me who is disappearing.

Kelly Flynn is the Fiction Editor for Booth. She is a Kenyon Review Peter Taylor Fellow. Kelly is a member of the National Book Critics Circle and has served as a judge for the NBCC’s Leonard Prize. She is currently working on a novel. Find her on twitter @iamkellyflynn.